Who am I...Timeka and this is My Story & TESTimony

*Disclaimer: There is some graphic content and I apologize for the length*

Who is this person that started this blog and why?

Background: I was born in 1979 in Maryland and moved to Virginia with my mother on my 1^st birthday. I was very close with my mother’s side of the family and a few cousins on my father’s side. At the age of 14, my freshman year, my mother passed away and my grandmother and aunt raised me. A week prior to my senior prom at age 17 my grandmother passed away. I went on to college on a band scholarship in 1997. I ended up living with my mother’s best friend from the age of 18-20, whom I am still close with until this day as she treated me like her own child. I began to venture into the world as she encouraged me to and moved out and have been on my own since I was 20. I graduated with honors and my B.S. in Psychology in 2001. I worked in the Mental Health/Mental Retardation field beginning in 2002. While I was working full-time, I eventually went back to graduate school in 2006, and earned my M.S. in Clinical Psychology in 2009.

The move: I moved to Texas after praying on which job offer to take. I ended up working for a Juvenile Prison System beginning in 2010 as an Associate Psychologist. As the time went by I changed my mind about getting my Ph.D. and in 2011 I decided on changing my career. I ended up enrolling into a 2^nd Masters program in Cybersecurity with a concentration in Computer Forensics/Intelligence.

Problems arise: After a year into my graduate program I started getting really ill. I had non-stop headaches, 7 days a week, and nothing would give me relief. I began going to doctor after doctor. I went to my primary care, she sent me to my ENT due to the thumping in my ear, he sent me to a neurologist and he sent me to physical therapy. They all said the same thing, “You are stressed” because they literally saw and felt knots in my shoulders. The doctors said with being in a stressful work environment due to a micromanager who thought she could talk and treat me (and others) any way, being on-call for our department in a rotation schedule, being on-call for the facility as one of our new found duties, and being in graduate school full-time was the problem. So, my primary care thought it was best to put me on FMLA. It helped to decrease the headaches and some of the tension. However, that was short lived and I began to get worse. It got to the point where I would get sick on the way to work during my hour commute. I would have to pull my car over on the side of the road and vomit. I was calling out sick and my sick time was dwindling down; it was too the point a colleague, our Chaplain, said I needed to go home because I had no color. She insisted and said she would tell my supervisor she sent me home. People said I was losing weight but I know that I had gone back to healthy eating and would stop eating once I was full so it didn’t dawn on me anything was wrong.

In August 2012, I went to NY for 3 days for my classes and on that last day I was sick as a dog. A good classmate of mine mentioned that I didn’t look well and I told her I felt horrible and I was up all night dealing with nausea/vomiting. Once I was back in TX I was on-call for my job and I had no energy. I couldn’t do my homework and I prayed to God that no one from work called me with any emergency because that Saturday I slept for 12+hours on the floor and was still exhausted when I woke up. Once I was back at work I talked to a colleague who is a nurse. She suggested that I get a blood test because I sounded anemic, which I told her that I have been borderline anemic since I was 18.  I went back to see my primary care and told them the problem. After going to all these doctors over a 9 month period they called me within the day and said “Well, we figured out why you are so tired…your blood count is a 5.”  Ok, what does that mean? I need to take some more Iron?  “No, you need to get a blood transfusion.” The normal blood count for women is 12. I had an old colleague of mine to drive me and pick up the orders the next day and went to the hospital. I thought I was just there for a blood transfusion and to my surprise they admitted me and slapped a “Fall Risk” bracelet on my arm. I asked “why?!”  especially when the nurse began walking right behind me all in my personal space. The nurse said, “We don’t know how you are walking around and neither do we know how long you have been walking around like this. People typically would have passed out by now especially with all that you have going on and been doing, you must be really strong and have angels around you.”

The diagnosis: After a week in the hospital and many tests including a bone marrow biopsy (BMB) I was told I had Hemolytic Anemia (Autoimmune disorder) and Stage 3 Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer, which was over 90% of my body two weeks before my 33rd  birthday. Normally stage 4 is the highest but for MM Stage 3 is the highest. My first reaction, I will not lie, I did not cry, I said “I’m used to bad things happening, it is just one more thing. Let’s just knock out this chemo.”

The struggle and fight:  I began chemotherapy in October 2012. I didn’t have many side effects other than the change in my taste buds. Well on October 16^th I received Zometa, a medication that is supposed to help strengthen the bones. This is necessary because MM can cause lytic lesions on the bones, which I do have a few of now. Zometa didn’t work well with me and I called off every day after that dose. By that Sunday I barely could move, I was moving so slow I didn’t make it to church until the sermon. I made it to Wal-mart after that and a customer who was a nurse came to me and asked if I needed help because I didn’t look well and she offered to come back to take me home. I made it home by myself and I remember being really tired. I ate half my food and talked to a few people on the phone and my cousin said the phone went dead. I remember hitting the wall. I was so tired I couldn’t take my dog outside. I went to sleep and I don’t remember much after that.

The next thing I remember was hearing people leaving messages on my answering machine, but the medication had me paralyzed and I couldn’t get up to answer the phone. My job, friends, and family were calling but no response and my cell was dead. On October 24^th I heard a knock at the door, my aunt called my colleague who helped the most at the time and he called a neighbor of mine. She sent her son to knock on the door and I responded. So once my neighbor got home she went to the rental office and told them that I was sick and someone need to get in there. They contacted the fire marshal down stairs and he dispatched his team to drill me out. I was told that I had been missing for 3 days. I was found unclothed with a fever of 104.4, very low blood pressure, a blood count of 4.2, dehydrated and hungry in a very hot apartment. They were not sure if I had hit my head because the shower curtain and shower rod were found pulled down in the bathroom but I was found on my sofa. I didn’t remember if I had tried to take a shower to go to work that first day I was missing or not. My neighbor told me that they told her to hurry up and gather some things because had I not been found I would have been dead within the next 12 hours. This was only 3 or 4 weeks after starting chemo and it wasn’t even the chemo med that caused all this. After being in the ER and ICU I was told I didn’t open my eyes until two days later.

On top of all of that I had to begin dialysis on October 31^st because I had no kidney function anymore. I felt hopeless and helpless because I couldn’t do anything on my own. I felt ashamed because I had to have nurses to clean my body. Friends had to help feed me, the little bit I would eat because everything tasted like burnt dirt.  I had to learn how to walk all over again. I had to do breathing exercises because I had a partially collapsed lung. I had gone from being the helper to the one needing help, which was difficult for me to accept.

My father flew down from MD for a week during the time I was in ICU. Over the next few weeks in between all the phone calls, texts, and visits, I participated in OT, PT, and my breathing exercises. I continued chemo and dialysis in the hospital, and I ended up with neuropathy for a few weeks but it went away when the oncologist switched my medication. I had re-learned everything and was released within a month.  I will never forget a student nephrologist (kidney doctor) asked could he pray with me because he had never seen someone go from one extreme to another so fast. That touched my heart.

Once I was released from the hospital I was a wreck because so much had happened so quickly before I could even wrap my head around the Cancer diagnosis. In addition, I couldn’t do simple things and I was so frustrated and embarrassed…these were the same things I used to do when I had clients! I was often confused and wasn’t sure how to order food due to my kidney issues, and I broke down crying right there in McDonald's trying to order a chicken sandwich. I couldn’t separate my medicines, drive myself around, or stand for long periods of time. So I had home health and PT once a week at home. Again I wasn’t use to depending on others. In order to get around I had to depend on people as well but at some point they were not available anymore. So, the second or third week I was home from the hospital I asked my neighbor to back my car out of my parking space. I drove slowly to the vacant parking lot down the street and re-taught myself how to drive. I didn’t remember where a lot of things were but I used my GPS to get to where I had to go until I was comfortable again.

I resumed dialysis and chemo with my oncologist. I ended up with a different kidney doctor and he was very negative. He told me he didn’t expect me to ever get off of dialysis. In order to get off dialysis your creatinine (kidney function) must be a 2. I just looked at him, as my face tells a story, and said “oh ok.” In my head I really said, “We will see.” Ironically dialysis didn’t drain me like most people. I went MWF and I had chemo and dialysis on Friday. I walked every day for 30 minutes to an hour even on Friday’s. I was taken off of dialysis 2 weeks before Christmas 2012.

I stopped worrying: After I made it through all of that I stopped worrying. No nervousness when I went for certain tests or anything! I knew that God had it all under control. My local oncologist finally got me in to see a doctor at MD Anderson in Houston.  When I met the oncologist there he wasn’t happy with my progress on my current medication so they changed it. That helped and my cancer cells started to decrease at a faster pace. However, MDA oncologist said he may admit me for high dose chemo then and there because the numbers were not where he wanted them to be for my upcoming transplant. Well when my results came he was satisfied with the numbers and said, “You are lucky.” I said, “Nope, I am blessed!”

I was able to finally meet with my stem cell transplant doctor. After a few more rounds of chemo I was able to start harvesting my cells for my stem cell transplant (SCT) in September 2013. The process began at the end of August. I had prepared myself for the worst as I heard so many things from people and their experiences regarding SCT. After all the testing I was admitted in the hospital for my stem cell transplant. Remember in 2012 I had over 90% of myeloma over my body by the time transplant rolled around I was down to 15%! I had my transplant on the 13^th, yes, Friday the 13^th! In the world of stem cell transplants, you are said to have a new birthday on the day you have your transplant. It was successful and thank God I didn’t experience some of what others had just the occasional nausea, vomiting, of course hair loss, and I did hate the mucusitis. I had to stay in the Houston area for two weeks after they released me, and my caregiver said she felt useless because I could do everything for myself. I thank God for that strength he gave me. I reached my 34^th birthday while in Houston and I was blessed to see it because most people die within a year that is diagnosed with Stage 3 MM and it is rare for younger people to develop this. Once I was released to go home in October, I was asked and blessed to share my story with some of the women at my church, Abundant Life Community Baptist Church.   

The light at the end of the tunnel: I knew my immune system was low so I had to wear a mask in most places. I never stopped thanking Jesus (even when I went through all that in 2012), I never stopped believing, I never became inactive at church, and I never stopped or will stop sharing my story.

Let’s rejoice: People constantly asked me about remission and the answer was I don’t know. I told them that in my heart and mind I do believe that I am. They asked how do you know and my answer “I just do.” Remember I left it in God’s hand! On March 18, 2014, I received the “official” word that I WAS IN REMISSION!  Although it is said that you are never really in remission with myeloma, your numbers are just low enough where it isn't a problem...remember this is an incurable cancer. However, this journey is what you make it positive thoughts brings on longevity and negative thoughts brings on quick deterioration. So, to me and with God by my side...I WAS AND AM IN REMISSION! 

It was nothing but the blood of Jesus that covered me those three days in that apartment. This isn’t just because I survived all of this but three represents the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. In that apartment, it was just me, my dog (Lenny), and God! You can see the hole in the wall where Lenny tried to get help, but he sat right by my side the rest of the time. God knew what he was doing when he matched us up in July 2012. While I was in here passed out I literally felt myself dying; I felt the film developing on my teeth, my body shutting down. I had haters; one of the kidney doctors, that supervisor, she told others I wouldn’t make it and when I did she changed it to I wouldn’t make it to Christmas 2013.

I still see a kidney doctor and luckily I was able to change to the initial one I had in the hospital…the one that was supportive of me from day one. I was told by the other kidney doctor that I would never get off of dialysis and get to a creatinine (kidney) function of a 2 but my creatinine continues to drop lower and hopefully it will be back to 0 one day. When this all began the lowest my blood count was 4.2 and I had several transfusions…today my blood is holding strong at a 12.5! I have my good days and bad days because of my current maintenance therapy medication, Revlimid…side effects. Trust and believe the days I feel great I take advantage of that by participating in cardiovascular exercise at least 5x a week and strength training 3x a week although I have to be careful because of my bones.

No one determines my fate but God and this testimony shows he has more work for me to do. God has directed me on a different path: to raise awareness about blood cancer, sign up to be an advocate, share my story by way of being on a panel at the blood cancer conference, speaking to the women at my church, testifying in front of my church, being in a local documentary that highlighted young adults who survived terminal illnesses, and whatever else God tells me to do.

Don’t feel sorry for me, I don’t share this for sympathy. I do it for the non-believers, I do it for those that are in a situation especially something similar and they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel…they have faith but it has diminished, and I do it for those that have strong faith and are believers so they can always have strong faith.

If I could go back the day of my diagnosis I would tell myself: God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers. This has made me see myself the same way people have always said they seen me as strong and an inspiration. Praise God because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here to share any of this and my story out of millions just shows people how God works and moves in life. Sometimes God sets you on a path but he may redirect that path at times. Remember that everyone has a purpose; just consult with the Lord to make sure that you are on the path HE has set for you!

Below is a timeline of pictures. I have shared privately with some people, but I was struggling on whether or not to reveal these publicly but God has been tugging at my heart and I can't let it go. So I'm sharing these pictures to show where I was and where I am now…thanks to God. 

Picture 1: the day I was admitted for a week and got my diagnosis, September 2012. Picture 2 & 3: the day they found me. Picture 4: On oxygen. Picture 5: Walking the hallways in my walker. Picture 6: A few weeks after release. 

Picture 1: At MD Anderson the week of my stem cell transplant (Yes, I made that wig), September 2013. Picture 2: On the way to church a month after transplant, October 2013. *women: don't be ashamed of your bald head, ROCK IT BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT YOUR HAIR!* Picture 3: Lenny! Picture 4: 5 months post-transplant at the blood cancer conference in Dallas. Picture 5: Present day...6 months post-transplant!

All I can say is that these really speak to my favorite gospel song, “It’s only a test!” I am so glad that I don’t look like what I have been through, God restored me!